Sorry.

Im just going through a lot right now...again.

I miss her..yada yada...cry. I am sure you heard it from me before. Probably getting sick of it, even if its true.

I still wonder why she is gone..and, think this is some cruel joke the universe is playing on me. Its not real, I say..sometimes.

Shes gone, Im letting her go.

Perhaps you should too?

You can find me here now trying to forget. Have to figure out how to add freinds. Will be plunking down the 20 for a year. I wish I had done the same for her. I have to admit, I hated her writing about us on line. I was wary. I regret that.

Hope to see some of you there.

I pray I can.

I feel better now.

I really shouldn't be using her Journal. It has been hard, very hard. I guess it all came to a peak yesterday that I couldnt overcome. I guess she had some good friends here. I dont really have any freinds in town, No one whom I can talk to. I think I should get someone. I am sorry if I worried people. Cory and Luke are important to me, but, sometimes I just feel like I am alone. Like there is nothing left. That is how much I miss her. They are really the only thing keeping me going. going to sleep, staring at the emptiness next to me, I have to get up, and go in their room and make sure they are alright. To remind me why I am going on.

Anyway, I really should stop, I could go on and on about my pain, but, that would be selfish. I dont want to burden people I dont know. I do thank you for even responding. I am sorry.

I will get my own Journal.

Its her birthday tomorrow, she would have been 31.


I dont know how much longer I can live.

Thank you all for your support.

This will probably be the last entry I write in her Journal, it is after all, hers. I never got into this stuff. I would like to chronicle something from her posts. Its so hard to go back and read, it hurts so much. I just yesterday found the courage to lay down in our bed. I was racked with pain and cried til I couldnt stand it any more and had to leave the room. How does one cope with this? I know I have to be strong for our kids, but, the hole that she left behind is larger than the Grand Canyon. The pain comes in waves. Sometimes I feel it like a 5 ton weight, sometimes it is a gentle push. Other times it starts with a reminder, something she left lying around, I pick it up, and, the memory of what she used this item for, comes back. Nothing will console me at those times.

She will never see Lukey have his first day of kindergarten. Cory's first date. Graduations, birthdays, anniversaries. All gone. I cant handle it, it overwhelms me. We talked of going places, Japan, Paris, back up to Chicago. I was going to surprise her next year with a real wedding. One we never had, with a church, vows, people we loved around us. We fell in love fast, married fast, and got on with life. I love her so much, why did she have to go?

I am tearing up as I write this. I cant write anymore. I am sorry.

Thank you all for remembering her, and honoring her memory. I will try and post updates on the kids as time goes by.

I dont know how to say this. I will start simple, and pray I dont lose control while I post this.

Monday June 6th. My Wife went into the hostpital emergency room. She had been complaining of a headache, and, was sitting on the couch when she vomited on the carpet. I didnt think anything of it, she had eaten some BBQ beef that was in the freezer for a while, so I thought it was bad, I cleaned up the mess, and, she went to lay down. After 45 min's I heard sounds of her throwing up again. She was a mess. I didnt know what to do, I called her mother, and she came over and we took her to the hospital. She was then taken for a CAT scan, and, other tests. suffered massive brain bleeding, and, they immediately took her upstairs to the ICU. Her blood pressure was 280/150 and, things didnt look good. They got her Blood pressure down, but, by then, it was too late. They tried putting a hole in her head to alleviate the pressure, but, that didnt work. One of the last things she said to me, was she loved me. I will remember it forever.

She died on Saturday June 11th. I am still in shock.

She always loved this community, and, everyone here.

If you need to contact me, please do so at her email address listed here in her profile.

Her obiturary is here. I suck at HTML, please cut and paste. She was the wiz at this stuff, I wasnt...

http://www.legacy.com/news%2Djournal/LegacySubPage2.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=14255716

Leave a guest book message if you want.

The kids are ok, Luke doesnt understand as much as Cory, but, they are both taking it well. All I know is I want her back so badly, I love her so much, and, now she is gone.

When did the Kool-Aid man start wearing pants?

And more importantly, why??

MoonDaddy and I went to see the noon showing of Revenge of the Sith today. I cannot wait to see it again.


Is it wrong that I found Hayden Cristensen much more attractive in this one than the last?
I heart R2.
I still heart Chewbacca though.
I disliked General Grievous. Much much dislike here.
As I always do when going to the movies, I cried. At least this time I was prepared.
When can I go back to see it again?

I suppose it's a bad idea to stay late on the night you're supposed to turn your clocks forward. On the bright side, I filled up seven pages of my little Strawberry Shortcake notebook. I'm not sure what happened, but inspiration struck and I didn't crawl into bed to sleep until nearly 6 am.

So yeah, inspiration finally struck. I have a story idea I'm happy with and am willing to work my fingers to the bone typing. Yay! Or something.

I have a toothache though.

And MoonDaddy is the bestest husband in the whole wide state of Texas.

I've made some changes to my "friends" list. I removed alot of people I haven't heard from in a while. If you've been actively using your LJ and I removed you, I'm sorry. I've obviously been skimming your entries, and it's really not fair to you to leave you on the list.

At this point, this post becomes the official "My Journal is Friends Only" entry. If you want to discuss being added, removed or whatever, start here.

As we all know, bunnies are evil. And as we all know, this Sunday is Easter Sunday. A day when most expect the Easter Bunny to visit. Bringing baskets of eggs filled with chocolate and other candies. This is a plot, by the evillest Bunny of all, the Easter Bunny,to give our children cavities and demand baskets filled with goodies that will only be discarded after a few days. Don't let this evil mastermind into your homes. Instead, this year, open your home and your hearts to the Easter Penguin.

01. Reply to this post, because I would like to say a couple words about you.
02. I will also tell you what song(s) remind me of you when I hear it.
03. I will also tell you what celebrity/public [or anime/manga] person you remind me of, either personality-wise or looks-wise.
04. I will also give ONE WORD that I associate with you when I think of you.
05. We all could use a boost now and then, so steal this for your journal and make someone else's day as well